#6: I read the wrong books

Or, why I find successful people's readings lists pressurising

I don't know about you, but I've had multiple phases that go something like this:

Overthink about failures and milestones according to current age. Freak out. Look up how to become successful. Read listicles of books that can turn you into Bill Gates or Emma Watson or Mark Zuckerberg (not that we need another). Pick up said books by the armload. Read and despair about how utterly snore-inducing some of these said books are. Wonder if you're just really thick. Rinse and repeat.

Sometimes it seems to me that the rich, famous and successful get away with listing books as secrets to their success even if they've never read it. You know, just for a lark. Other times, I think listicle writers use big names as clickbait and get away with it because, really, what's another pebble in a sea of stones? I'm probably wrong on both counts, but let me have my benign conspiracy theories.

Here's an unpopular hot take: positioning reading certain books as the gateway to success is intelligence signalling. It's like saying, "I read the same books as billionaire Joe Bloggs and you haven't, therefore I'm morally and intellectually superior to you". Unsurprisingly, the books that fall under this category tend to be non-fiction, autobiographies, self-help books and get-rich-quick tomes.

As a forever reader myself, I call bullshit. It's ludicrous to believe there's just one road to success, and one of the tasks to check off on the list you get when you embark is to read every single book that every single successful person has read. Oh, and you also have to understand it the same way they did, and derive the same insights to boot.

Painting such books as the bullet train to Dollar Land is deceptive, misleading and horribly unfair to those who are dreaming big dreams. It's an additional blow to the self-esteem of those who didn't resonate for a variety of perfectly reasonable reasons, and it perpetuates this culture of skim-reading to impress, catfish and signal 'intelligence'.

Personally, I fell over and over again into this same trap until I realised that:

1. These books made me feel incompetent because they didn't apply to my context,

2. There were other books that made me feel enlightened or creative or just a tad smarter and I'd given up on them to read this number on some billionaire's list

3. I drew inspiration and motivation from other books (especially fiction — yeah, I said that) and there was no reason to neglect them because some list didn't deem them "motivational" enough, and

4. Many characteristics, of those whose lists these are, are decidedly not my personal goals.

But until this epiphany — which incidentally came about when I was trying to power through a success list autobiography through tears — I was reading entirely the wrong kind of books. I was reading books that were about other fields, that were dripping with privilege, that were heavily Eurocentric, that were filled with half-truths, that chased money alone, that straight-up bored me, that didn't apply to the stage of life that I was in. Only because I wanted to reach those glorified levels of success or fame.

So here's what I'm getting at. Reading something that's not entertaining, insightful, or, at the very least, resourceful, is a complete waste of precious time. It'll get you big mad at reading, and we don't want that.

When we're reading whatever, without context or intrinsic interest, because some listicle questioned our self-worth, there's a lot of value drain. Here's what those listicles don't tell us — that to derive value from a (typically non-fiction) book, we need a foundational web that's sticky enough to trap all the right insights given our individual context. In the case of some so-called 'smart' books are basic truths wrapped in pretty paper and a bow, there's nothing we'll get out of it that you don't know already. Especially if these are situational and contextual truths that we've been living all your life but a random person has only just discovered.

This is something I repeat to myself very often:

Read for yourself, and not for others. Read for your growth, but not because some list told you to. Don't read for the goals that a billionaire worked towards, because they're not yours and you're not ready for the lifestyle that comes with it. Enjoy what you enjoyed and skip the bandwagon if you feel the need to. If you believe Neil Gaiman is going to inspire you to write, then read Neil Gaiman and don't be sorry about it. (Sorry for using you as an example, Mr Gaiman, but this comes of personal experience).

And no, reading Bill Gates' entire reading list isn't necessarily going to get you where he is because, among other reasons, where he's at is probably not where you need to be. So close that tab and go back to that super-interesting book you shoved into the corner because it didn't seem 'productive' or 'inspirational' or 'goal-oriented' enough. You'll be happier that way.

Featured illustration: An Ocean of Books by William Strang